


Never Have I Ever

by Eatgreass



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, I can't find one, No Beta, Why?, also cel has done a Lot of things, for the first time in my life, interspersed with a lil trauma ofc, look i wrote fluff, time to bully carter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:53:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eatgreass/pseuds/Eatgreass
Summary: After Shoins institute, the gang plays "Never Have I Ever" in quarantine.
Relationships: Azu (Rusty Quill Gaming) & Everyone, Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan & Everyone, Zolf Smith & Everyone, celiquillithon sidebottom & everyone
Comments: 10
Kudos: 44





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Christmas I guess? I finally finished this short thingy. Turns out if I'm writing something happy it takes a literal week to get a thousand words pumped out.

“So,” said Azu, after a pause, “Should we play a game?”

“Oh,” said Hamid. “What- what were you thinking?” 

“I don’t know.” She frowned. “Never have I ever?”

“Oh, are we in a bloody teenage sleepover?” Zolf groaned and flopped on the floor. His foot landed in Carter's face, and Carter gave a reproachful glare.

“Yeah, yeah,” said Zolf. “Stuff a sock in it.”

“I will start,” said Azu, glancing at Carter with a worried look. “Never have I ever…” Azu broke off. 

“Robbed a tomb,” called Barnes from the stairs.

“Oh- Ok…” said Azu. “I have never robbed a tomb.”

No fingers went down. “Carter,” called Zolf. “We know.”

“It wasn’t-”

“ _ Carter.”  _

Carter adopted the look of a chastised four-year-old, and reluctantly put his finger down, leaving him at nine.

“Hey,” said Cel, poking their head out from the hammock, “What counts as a tomb? And what counts as robbery? Because- because I think that tomb robbing is a lot more nuanced than we think it is, and really, I don’t think tomb robbers are all  _ bad,  _ I mean, it’s something to do. Sometimes you get on one path of life, and you don’t really know how you got there, but all of a sudden you’re running away from a graveyard, and people are chasing you, and…” Cel trailed off, realizing that everybody else in the cell was looking at them. “Anyway, stuff happens, and I don’t really know what constitutes a real  _ tomb robbery. _ ”

“Cel?” asked Hamid. “Do you have anything to talk about?”

“Nope, nope- just- alright. I’ll put a finger down.”

“Well, that raised more questions than it answered,” said Zolf. 

“Yes,” said Azu. “Zolf? Would you like a turn?”

“Not really,” said Zolf.

“Zolf…”

“Fine. Fine. I’ve never gone to college.”

Hamid and Carter both put fingers down. Then Hamid put his back up. Then back down again. He looked down at his hands. “I’ll go next,” he announced. “Never have I ever…” he trailed off. “Oh- um, I’ve never, well, been in a school play?”

“Hamid,” said Barnes. “Most of us haven’t even gone to school.”

“Oh,” said Hamid, turning an embarrassed shade of red. “Right. Well, would you like to go, Barnes? Do you- do you have a first name?”

Barnes ignored the second question. “Never have I ever tried to escape the quarantine cell.” He looked at Carter, who sullenly put down a finger, as did Azu. 

“Well,” said Carter, “Never have I ever accidentally become a pirate.”

“Technically,” said Barnes, “Pirates don’t exist if the navy doesn’t.”

“Yeah,” said Zolf, “But the Navy does exist, you just decided to leave. Unauthorized. And illegally work with the resistance.”

Barnes looked embarrassed. “Cel?”

Cel looked down. “Yup?”

“Did you put a finger down?” asked Barnes. 

“Things happen. They were very  _ nice  _ pirates, and I didn’t really realize what I’d done until after I was on the ship. You know, pirates are very charming people. It is  _ very  _ easy to accidentally join a pirate crew.”

“I know, right?” said Zolf. 

“Yeah! It’s like, one day, you’re just having a nice sail, and then the next, some guy comes up to you and asks if you want to join a larger voyage, and you don’t have anything better to do, so you accept, but really, they were pirates, and you end up doing a lot of things you did  _ not  _ sign up for, but by that point you’re  _ very  _ deep into whatever it is you got involved with, so you kind of have to ride it out.”

“Not how it happened with me.”

“Oh!” Cel looked at Zolf. “How did you become a pirate, Mr. Smith?”

“Rather not talk about it.”

“Oh. Ok. Well, never have I ever- you know, I feel like those of us that have lived for a very long time are at a distinct disadvantage. I have done a  _ lot,  _ and you guys are very small and squishy and young. Anyway- never have I ever exploded myself. I’ve come very close, but I’m proud of the fact I’ve only blown up my things so far.”

Hamid put a finger down.

“Hamid?” Cel asked. “Little buddy? What did you do?”

“He blew himself up,” said Azu. “I would appreciate it if you did not do that again, Hamid.” 

“Oh- oh, no, no, I- I won’t, Azu.”

“Good.”

“Hang on,” said Zolf. “What?”

“Rome is the worst,” said Hamid. 

“It really is,” said Azu.

“Doesn’t answer the question, but I suppose it’s the best I’m going to get.” Zolf sighed and leaned back against the stool in the cell, putting his finger down as well.

“Wait…” Cel snapped their fingers. “Right. The lightning.”

“What?” asked Barnes. 

“Yeah, yeah,” said Zolf. “”I got struck by lightning twice, it’s alright. I got loads of hit points.”

“I will go again,” said Azu. “Never have I ever… lost darts?”

“Darts?” asked Barnes. 

“Yes,” said Azu. “The game? It was popular on the farms. I was very good at it.”

“Oh,” said Barnes. “I’ve never played.”

“Oh,” echoed Azu. “We will have to play when we are in a larger space.”

“Alright,” said Barnes. 

“Zolf?” Azu prompted. “It’s your turn again.”

“Right. Never have I ever… I don’t know, I’ve done a lot of things.”

“Have you ever ghosted someone after a first date, and then they came back after a long two years, and tried to blow up your city, leading to a large confrontation ? 

“I can’t- I can’t say that I have.”

“Oh,” said Cel. “Well, sometimes things happen.” They put a finger down. 

“That is a story I would very much like to hear,” said Hamid. 

“Alright, little buddy, it started with-”

“Never have I ever,” said Barnes, cutting Cel off, “learned to fish.”

“In what way?” asked Cel and Hamid at the same time. 

“Fish,” said Barnes. He flapped his hands. “Like, catch fish.”

“I can fish when I’m a dolphin,” said Cel. “Is that cheating? Sometimes it feels like cheating.”

“I can fish with the claws,” said Hamid. “But like Cel said, it feels like cheating.”

“ ‘S not cheating,” Zolf said. “It works, doesn’t it?”

Cel shrugged. “Hey, have you guys only ever lived in London?”

“I’ve lived in Cairo,” said Hamid. “Raised there, but I went to England for college.”

“Huh,” Cel said. They looked at Barnes and Carter. “You guys?” 

“On the ocean,” Barnes said.

“In Cairo,” Carter said. 

Hamid sat back up from where he had been slumped. “You were  _ robbing  _ the bank in Cairo!”

Carter shook his head. “I was excavating a tomb, Mr. Al-Tahan. Very different.”

Zolf snorted. “Yeah, excavating. Robbery, Carter.”

Carter stood up and immediately hit his head on the metal hammock Cel had constructed. Glowering, he sat back down. “Game over,” he announced. 

“Hey,” said Cel. “What was your tomb robbery like, Carter?”

“There were a lot of traps,” said Hamid. 

“Oh! Were you there too?”

“We were,” said Hamid with a glance towards Carter, “Stopping him.” 

“Man,” said Cel. “That’s so cool. American tombs don’t have many traps.”

“What did it have?”

Cel made a face. “Bodies, mostly. Some of my stuff. But mostly bodies.”

“How did you…” Hamid looked hesitant to ask. “How did you rob it?”

“Blew it up,” said Cel. They caught Hamid's face as they looked up. “Misjudged what I was doing, the tomb blew up. I’m just lucky I was out of the way.”

There was a pause. “Okay, little buddy, tell me how you blew yourself up.”


End file.
